A death means many firsts- overwhelming firsts without your loved one. It also means making decisions based on your needs, your situation. After the initial paralysis of the grief, then you work to piece things back together.
In my case, I was living in South Carolina, my husband, Pat and I had moved there when he was transferred to Charlotte. We had opted to live more rurally over the border with great hiking and open space. Our lives there were blessed, we had a beautiful home to which we added a pool, our last son was in university – and finally we had time along together. It was idyllic, weekends of hiking, floating in the pool holding hands, traveling to OSU to visit Ryan and see the Buckeyes play. It was a special year and half. And then tragedy stuck and he died quickly of pneumonia.
After 33 years, I didn’t know how to be alone, how to make decisions for me, or how to do so much of the ‘handy’ stuff he did quietly. Now when I look back at the last year and a half I don’t berate myself… I am celebrating all I have done and learned. What I am proud of:
- Taking a year to make any major decisions when I want to just move and change — I realized that was just another way of freaking out
- Moving to Northern Virginia where I am near 2 of my children- but not too near or too dependent
- Continuing to work. A part of me just wanted to quit, but I love what I do and what would I do every day? I knew I wasn’t ready for that.
- Taking new and first hurdles- learning to fix things- or call a handyman!
- Moving ahead with not only buying a home, but making it mine- that’s hard, it was always about us. But gradually I am getting there.
- Most important of all- I have learned to ask for help, to reach out. Oh, that was so hard at first. But it has been one of the greatest lessons of all- and I have found people do like to help (I always do, but it’s different receiving rather than giving).
Still working on:
- Creating a social life! Moving I left what we had, moving to a new area I have to find ways to reach out and be with people. I work mostly out of a home office and did take a teaching job 2 days a week to get me out. This is a work in progress!
Live with love- it’s all that matters.
Zoey's Muse 