Working with Grief

I struggled over the name of this blog, as I started it titled as ‘working through grief’ but then I realized that you don’t really get through grief, you make peace with it. It has been 1.5 years since Pat left his body, left me, left the kids, left his siblings, his friends, his colleagues. I still have trouble coming home to an empty house, I still hate shopping for one, I hate the emptiness of the weekend. But I look back at how I am making a new life. Not a life without him, that can never be– how do you love someone so much and go on as though they never existed- that would just be silly, impossible, and wrong to try for. But I can find things that bring me joy. I am loving northern Virginia, am blessed to be a part of my children’s lives, to be absorbed with teaching movement. And that is what I try to focus on. Sometimes I worry about stupid stuff… going on forever without him when it has been so hard to just make it a year and a half. I wonder if anyone will ever be in my life as a partner again. It would take a strong man to realize that he will always be in my heart . Taking on so many firsts– graduations, holidays, birthdays, and now a wedding. Hard, but the pulse of life and love.